Objective Subjective Thoughts.

Character flaws, even the best of humanity carries some strain of the varying defective traits. I have been subjected to being put on notice by some, about my slight tendency to think too much on certain particulars. So in the hopes of freeing my mind to purse some highly pleasing, ignorant endeavors this weekend, I shall release some of my current thoughts to your custody. Lest keeping oblivious hedonism waiting…………

Be The Bigger Donavan

No matter how exceptional of human being one is, he/she will always have those that despise and decry them. Whether they are based on flippant baseless notions or concise legitimate grievances, jeers are hurled from and upon our persons. Donavan Mcnabb is a individual who fully understands such a concept. Wide cross sections of humanity from Terrell Owens to Rush “Pop a Pill” Limbaugh have savagely attacked aspects of his persona. While few of the accusations made against him have had any validity, one thing has remained constant; Mcnabb has always taken the so called “high road”, which we shall return to. The bitch smacking of Mcnabb once again was proven to never be out of season when a article in the Black newspaper “The Philadelphia Sun” written by the head of the Philly NAACP no less on November 27, was thrust into the mainstream media. The main talking points grafted or inferred, depending on your view, from writer J. Whyatt Mondesire’s piece where: Mcnabb. Is a sellout for participating in Chunky Soup Commercials, and betrayed his race when he decided not to scramble ie: run from his quarterback position. As this story attacked me from every sports medium I tried to enjoy, I started to formulate my own views on the subject. Given that Philly Sports fans might be America’s ravenous equivalent European Soccer Hooligans, and the quotes chosen to be recited form Mondesire’s article, where of the most asinine stock, I immediately felt the author was a damn fool. I’ve really been having my issues with ESPN lately and this controversy didn’t help matters any. The deficiency of assorted thought deriving from the sporting monolith which molds millions of acolyte’s opinions that leave there domiciles dressed as facts, was once again rampant. Various announcers used the controversy to frame black people into two polar extreme categories: “Keeping it Real” and “Classy and Respectful”. Never mind that being subjected frequently to a catch phrase that became irrelevant a decade ago, made me fathom “this is what heroin withdraw must feel like”, it was very disparaging. in itself to be categorized by those who lack any qualification to do such things. The implicit message being conveyed was that black people, like the writer, chastise other black people for being professional, respectful, and always being the bigger man cuz it’s not keeping it real. The suggested musings, where a crisis is apparent in the community because people like Donavann are ridiculed while the T.O types are revered. The implication is that there is no middle ground for black people, just a great chasm between proper and societal derelict. Such rational is sinister because it gives others false credence to dictate what is “appropriate” for another segment of persons. Often the prescribed behavior is haughty .hypercritical in a reflective nature. “Proper” at its base is non threatening and passive, which holds a litany of psychological correlations in our society, many negative. The extremism employed by prevalent segments defies rationality. Why is it so hard to understand that when certain people chastise, its not because he has a professional, classy aura, its because he lets people ______ (we have a sale on words today: :hoe, shit, bitch, thug etc etc) him with no response. There isn’t a mass clamoring for Donavan to act an ass, but some tangible form of retaliation is sorely desired. In all facets of our union respect is eroded for those who choose not to defend themselves. Large swaths of black people don’t feel Donavan is a sell out, just soft. Taking the high road to reach your destination is admirable, but sometimes you haft to exit on to ”Check Them Niggaz” expressway” for your self, and those you represent. Wanting to be certain of the foolishness of Mondesire’s column I ventured over the Philadelphia Sun and analyzed it. It isn’t nearly as horrid as portrayed. Good points abound in his work, but some elastic conclusions are present also. He states that Mcnabb purposely eliminated scrambling his repertoire so he could be know as a quarterback, not a “running quarterback” While the media was quick to point our, all of histories white running quarterbacks, the fact of “running quarterback” being code speak for black qb’s who act more think less” can not be denied. Such strong beliefs have clouded judgments on black qb’s The critical flaw is Mondesire’s assumption. How can you tell Mcnabb made such a conscious decision? When does one eliminate, better surrounding personal, coaching demands, and injuries that make it a trial walk, let alone run. Unless he has daily cerebro sessions, he should put such accusations back in his pocket, along with “Just think how the whole media circus could have been avoided had you had the courage to offer only a tiny fraction of your bonus this year to Owens and running back, Brian Westbrook”. I’ll take the high road on that last statement and won’t even dignify it with a reply.

Yeah and…………..

Why I subjected my self to watching the Ying Yang Twins on MTV cribs perplexes me. Maybe I held out hope they would drink some of the Kool – Aid they proudly displayed and start talking like the Brain Gremlian…… Instead I got some pure uncut minstrel show.

Please let this be a message to all of you who I am lucky to have on my friends list.

I wish the top 8 was more than just 8

I really don’t pay attention or care about the order of my top 8 ie: who is 1,6,7 is really doesn't concern me.

Friends are precious commodity’s that shouldn’t be ranked. Yes my top 8 consist of people I really respect and enjoy, but some part of there inclusion deals with the fact they might slightly be more apt to be online, then others, so having them in forefront makes it easier for me to get at em, instead of going thru the list. I have people on my list that I’m really close to, that probably will never be in the top 8 either cuz they rarely are online, or we both know that it’s not that serious. So if you get moved our adjusted, trust me it’s not that serious, and since I’m defiantly against having people on my friends list I really don’t interact with, you should already know how I feel about you anyway.

Still on my “why isn’t this shit on tv?” “kick” If race is such a controversial topic, and Hurricane Katrina was only the worst natural disaster in American history intertwined with either immense shallowness, harrowing incompetence or a deadly combination of both, why the Congressional Hearings on Race's factor on the handling of the national tragedy wasn’t broadly disseminated is kind of troubling

Ahh yes there are few better ways for Pious and kind Americans to win the proverbial “Hearts and Minds” (you should really ponder that term”) of the Iraqi people like paying off their publications to include stories crafted by the U.S military to improve its own image in the land. Viva to the impartial press.

The Boondocks is not what I expected. Expectations fuck up so many things in life

Sometimes I wonder if Al Gore would have one the Presidency in 2000, some calamity occurred and he had to step away from office, would I hate Joe Lieberman as much as George Bush. He really just needs to switch sides already.

Now…..where is my tequila at!!??!!

AIM- ILLAIM365

MSN- Daconection@hotmail.com

Is it just me?....................

The vivid nature of that morning still resonates with me. Sprawled out on the couch shaking from the frigid winter temperatures Michigan provides, yet to lazy to leave my comfort zone to venture on a mission to turn up the heat, the taste of Heineken still resonating against my senses and the frivolous Madden victories of the night before holding a press conference with my ego, I received a phone call. I hold as much compassion for morning phone calls as Miami Cubans contain for Fidel. Being arisen from a “r.e.m” (no not the group) sleep induced sexual tryst as a lad, only to be ordered to perform some ridiculous task in earlier days, led me to concoct the controversial belief that one should never call a black man before 10am unless they are family and 11 am if they are friends or associates. My crude attitude in tow, I faintly heard the tune of “G’s and Hustlers” in my ear while being more aggravated by the fact my phone, also set on vibrate, did its best jackhammer impression on the glass table next to me. Extremely temperamental, I picked up the phone around 8:30 with a jagged “hello”!!!?!! One of my best friends replied, “We got Em”. Got him got who? “We got him, Saddam they caught him hiding in a hole with all types of loot yo they got that nigga!”. That event occurring exactly two years ago might have been the crescendo of the U.S military efforts in Iraq. Only the toppling of his towering stone resemblance

apexes the image of a disheveled Saddam Hussein being picked and probed for all of the worlds viewing pleasure (unless your heartless and count this “Tighty Whities” The proverbial dragon was slayed. Even tho our main focus was pronounced as finding and destroying those potential apocalypse causing WMD, preceding the death shock and awe provided. The capture of Hussein was a tremendous boon to the self righteous American psyche. Millions of souls, political scientists, to the most apolitical such as my friend, immersed themselves within in the vicarious pride of capturing a tyrant. Why wouldn’t we be elated? For the last 16 years the American public has been inundated with public proclamations about how Saddam was our very own modern incarnation of Hitler. Once a key allay Hussein was/is cast as a “animal” who murdered and tortured his own people at his nefarious whim. We where informed we could not wait for him to enact his mushroom cloud wishes upon our lot that he was sure to pursue once he was able. In short, like most evil men, he was important. So I ask you this. Where is the trial? Sure we get a couple photo’s

of Saddam waving his fist in a angry manner with some trite discussion wrapped up in a 3 min package between Nicole Riche’s book and how Howard Stern moving to satellite radio will alter the world as we know it, but nothing substantial. If I was the cynical type I would feel that America cares more about a retired "Good Negro" athlete stabbing a coked up white chick, then its, gasp national security? What happened to we must stay vigilant?

I’m fairly sure that if they were presently occurring, the Nuremberg trials would be omnipresent on media formats. Yes a stretch of an analogy…but I’m not the one who labeled Saddam a modern Hitler, and the star of that act didn’t even show up. Pondering why Saddam isn’t getting the O.J or even Iran Contra/ Anita Hill Clarence Thomas treatment, even tho we have given immensely two things we don’t like to share, blood and money for him, I came up with a few theories.

Maybe the trial is a sham.

All that tricky nation state system and national sovereignty icky complexity aside, I can say that if I had to put a bottle of goose on it, Saddam hasn’t always been the lovingly grandpa type towards certain segments of the populace he ruled over. If we where to ignore the fact that we had no actual right to dispose him and concluded that he deserved to be put on trial., many other key facets of said trial would be left to situate. The term “trial of the victors” has rarely been more apparent. If one is confident of victory in there cause, why should they cheat? The plain fact that this trial is being convened under U.S occupation mangles any shred of credibility it wishes to display. The rest of the planet seems to recognize the inherent flaws of this trial and largely have rebuffed supporting it. A angry Condoleezza Rice fumed “All who express their devotion to human rights and the rule of law (how ironic)have a special obligation to help the Iraqis bring to justice one of the world's most murderous tyrants," when discussing the lack of international support for the trial(. It amazes me that a genius such as her self (no sarcasm) can’t grasp the simple childhood logic of shunning activities that one is not permitted fair inclusion in. These are simple matters that the International Court of Justice could easily alleviate, but instead leave our nation looking more unjust. Which leads to ……

Maybe They want to avoid bad P.R

We do have a leader that attended a Ivy league school you know, and he is surrounded by intelligent denizens who utilize there objective knowledge in questionable abet effective ways. Why would they persuade, pressure, or suggest giving this event a broad platform, which people like my self who wanted to see a Bush vs Saddam debate , among other citizens, the ability to consume possible flaws mentioned, in our dissemination of peace and freedom policies. Better I guess to stick to a few random prime time intrusions and State of the Union Address which give me even more reason to hate the Patriots

Untimely i really feel the main issue is……

Detachment

We are the Big brothers who ignore the little sisters dangerous forays with guys at a extremely young age. A daily sample of life affords one very faint clues that a war is occurring in our mist. Now that the zeal fueled by hurt, fear, anger and ignorance has subsided, no one really cares about Saddam’s trial in particular or the war in general. We are slaves to our own distraction and avoidance of pain in this context. The crux of the situation is unique, for if the trial was placed on major stations, more people would by default be immersed in such matters, but it possible said stations are waiting for the public clamor to do so. Reality does suggest the televised medium has to make a profit.

I don’t know, maybe its just me being outlandish with thought that after spending Billons of dollars and the loss of thousands of more precious lives, that we would be at least given the opportunity to fully witness the enemy who was hell bent on our destruction.

Yeah…that’s kinda unreasonable after contemplation.

.. ILLAIM365

MSN: Daconection@hotmail.com

Aint No. Love.........

Some time ago when my confidence level was consistently perilously low, and wisdom was a commodity I wasn’t old enough to have on my person, I coined a simple yet durably truthful phrase. “I Hate Winter”. Being a person who tries to analyze events, the action of demonizing a entire season seems extremely bias. Horrid troubles occurred during the latest and earliest of months of any year I breathed, which winter only provided frostbite to alleviate suffering transforming me into a immense seasonal bigot without shame. Yes for over a decade in no certain order it ha been Bill Romonowski, the Republican Party, and Winter. What light is to mogwai’s, Winter was to Damien . Yes…was…. Even tho I have much reason to be a angry depressed malcontent,…conrary to the pictures you view…I have a smile adorning my face. Maybe the clarity of appropriate perspective has allotted me the freedom to escape the clutches of frozen ills. May be I have a sickened indifference, No matter the reason I’m no longer beefing with winter, and I’m sure you gave just about as much of a f$^* about that tidbit of information as I did about Oprah and David Lettermen cease fire..so…………..

Pardon Me Govna…

I’m not a killer, and no I didn’t stay at a holiday in last night or save a lot on car insurence...but I do believe in the death penalty. Now before political south paw friends conjure up ill will for a newfound ideological heretic, please hear me out, even super villains are offered that right. While many argue with legitimate merit that the death penalty inception was predicated on revenge or to satisfy evil pleasures I view it’s basic purpose as a deterrent. Yes, elites in power structures determine what should be dissuaded, often in a morally lacking interest based tone. Given that within the borders of the United States the death penalty is generally reserved for the most horrid of crimes, the rational debate can be subdued for the sake of this discussion temporally. The death penalty is not wrong but the implantation and execution (it was the best word available…seriously) are the ills that make the death penalty a travesty in this country. Most criminals who commit crimes that potentially could land them on death row, spare little thought on being put to death by the state. Why? It often takes many years if not decades to execute persons condemned to death. Not Exactly Roman LIke Death Penalties are often forecasts of “life in prison with the possibility of lethal injection” I’ve often held the belief that if executions where held in a more expedient manner, say like in Asian countries many people would think about…let alone think twice, the consequences of there conjured potential actions. Please do not picture me typing this with blood covered hands ala Reggie Noble’s first album cover. Honestly I believe that life in prison is a much worse fate then the dearth penalty and given the authority when one most be chosen I would choose the former. I do recognize the racial and other bias that determine who gets such a undesired fate bestowed upon them, I opt to not let those facts blind me from the ideal that the death penalty is not a inherently bad practice. All of these words lead to a point. Tookie. In recent weeks the potential, maybe imminent execution of Stan “Tookie” Williams Meet Tookie has been banterd about many of media outlets and by default the general populace. Williams, 51 was convicted in 1979 four the murder of four individuals sentenced to death by the state, which seems to finial come calling this month. Given his notoriety and subsequent transformation, his earthly demise has become a rallying point for those opposed to the death penalty, or at least death being implemented in this particular case. Yes luminaries from Snoop Dogg to Jessie Jackson have come to the defense of Tookie, and who am I to judge? Williams has been nominated for a Nobel peace prize and has over a decades worth of society improving(many life saving) good deeds attributed to his person. If the term penitentiary is derived from “penitence”, Williams is a prime example of what the system and society should wish for.

Yet I don’t care if he dies.

My rational for such a opinion isn’t based on logic, and what logic I might use is practically evil, partaken for good purpose. There are many people on death rows or trapped in prison period that deserve the media attention resources and ultimately compassion Tookie is receiving at this very moment. I know not the exact details of Williams’s case, but what I feel, is based on his creation, The Crips gang. There is no amount of repentance that Williams can undertake that could compensate the thousands who have been adversely affected by his, until fairly recent renunciation, life’s work. I’m angered at my self for not being able to conjure a stronger word than adversely to express the plight of those who lost loved ones thru death, or various forms of extended agony because of the nation wide virulent impact of the Crips gang. The correlation might be weak, and his vision might not have been as vile as the actual reality, but the abomination Williams bestowed upon society cause me to feel no remorse for him.

On a social political bent, defending Tookie Is plain foolish. I commend and understand those who are sickened by the death penalty, but defending Williams only makes their goal harder to attain. Defending Tookie places death penalty adversaries in a position of being viewed as zealots who will defend the most detestable of societies legions. Maybe they are, and maybe that’s not a bad thing, but on a opportunity cost level, saving Tookie, could “cost” many others there lives. I wish death on no one, but Mr Williams is not the person you wrap your cause around.

Yes …this piece was baisly affected by the writer’s experiences on Pittsburgh streets circa 1991-1998

Random Thought

Yes we are but nothing but human, and trust I have nothing against Porn…..but doesn’t Kirk Franklin’s admitted relapse into “Booty Talks” seem kinda….well wrong? Morals are the most subjective of things, and I don’t criticize others cuz .how do I even know if mines are good. Mr. Franklin however does judge others but default thru his work, and by my estimation he has one count of Thief and another one of freaky hypocrite attached to his character. He’s is just as fake as your favorite thug rapper who hasn’t shot a nigga since laser tag.

I saw “War of the Worlds” recently and never have I wished a quick yet painful fate for a film’s supposed heroes. Maybe I’m old fashioned, or maybe it’s the family distributed ass kicking’s I received as a child, but I really believe that kids should know there place and show some tangibly visible respect to there parents. I few seconds ago I thought that if it exists, me and Kirk Franklin prolly had equal chancesof getting into heaven.. The fact that I really really dislike Dakota Fanning…..prolly sets me back in the race for eternal bliss tho.

Service Workers…….I have been one of you…..I prolly will be one again before my life is thru……..No matter what the orientation tapes and you manger impress upon you to do so….Do not say “Thank you ______________ come again.” Unless you fucken mean it…..Damn I hate insincerity. Let the bullshit facade go…your fakeness ruins my experience more than any other possible action. Damn it.

Michelle Rodriguez

made headlines for DUI

this week. Now maybe I should discuss why I happen to be attracted to a women who seemly could beat the shit fuck out of me (not literally), but why DUI is natinol news at all. The hypocritical nature of the law disgusts me. Who catches the bus or walks to the bar, the game, the club? Thought so…..

And I held such feeling before my I caught a DUI

Peace

AIM- ILLAIM365

Am I What I Think I am or Am I what You say I am???

A very good friend of mine recently reminded me of the old and very (believable) adage “there is a fine line between genius and insanity”. Now I know I’m about round trip to the sun and back from brilliance, and most people conveniently cross over to insanity after they very rationally conclude the life of their spouse and other love ones in a harrowing yet calculated manner, there is a strong element of truth contained within that maxim. I utilize such a preface to assure you when I say… “excuse my schizophrenic display of thoughts ” that I’m safely residing comfortably in saneville, even though some try to take me go to the hood of insanity and while Ill never be “good enough” to be allowed through genius community gates, although I like marvel at its buildings from afar . Then again, most sane people state there crazy, and most crazy people fervently; state their sane. Oh the subjective crux. Alight let me stop messing with yea head lol There is a point to all this tho…………..

Beginning

During a previous blog I comprised in August (“Race based education”) I briefly mentioned the latent but internally strong jealousy I hold via inhabitants of the Caribbean who are able to bask in there nationality and heritage due to it’s unambiguous nature. A few of reality’s truths where mentioned, then I went on to speak about something exceedingly important: Baseball?

Change of scenery

Last week when on a out of town trip in a popular metropolis my cohorts and I happened to encounter a store forthrightly named “Boricua Emporium”. Being that one within our party of four was/is proudly a progeny of Puerto Rican heritage, who sadly, rarely ever encounters persons of his ethnic background, nor the extended, almost necessary benefits those encounters create, where we reside. So we all traveled the up the hallway which should have had “stairway to heaven” emanating thru the walls. When we entered the diminutive but welcoming confines, Puerto Rican articles of clothing and trinkets where pervasive everywhere. After feeling good for our friend and trying to point out stuff we thought was “hot” (fuck you Paris for fucking up our word!!!) my friend and I started to look around for something that we could purchase. Ironically we where spurred on by the Dominican shirt we witnessed, and then become aware of all other nationality based clothing in the store. Friend: “Damn they even got a Trinidadian shirt up in here” Me: Shit I can front like a Jamaican…I could get dreads quick then a motherfucker” Friend: “Man it’s fucked up that we aint got no flag, aint no shit we can even buy in here..” The happiness once held for our friend was let go as we embraced harsh reality and sadness.

The Trip Home

Since I was the lazy bastard who did not put one second in on the driving while reaching our destination, I rightfully began the first leg home. Losing the battle against the sweet whims of sleep, I decided to exit of the turnpike and purchase a much needed Mountain Dew, before I drove all of the cars inhabitants to a peaceful death. Little did I know that the gas station was inconveniently placed 3 miles away from the exit, which inevitably led to my friends to wake up and question where we where. Me being tired, on edge, in a Donald Rumsfield/ Drew Rosenhaus mood to answer questions, my responses where short and terse to what I felt where sarcastic questions of “where are we at?” and silence that spoke with its presence alone. After the thickness in the air subdued slightly people in the car started going through the gear they had purchased and reminisced about the trip. While recollecting, the trip to the Puerto Rican store came back up. Friend: “Man we where happy for you, but it was fucked up we couldn’t buy any thing. To which someone replied “Why didn’t you buy something with a African Flag?” which garnered the strong response “Nigga I aint African, they don’t even like us anyway!!!!” Now personally I hate when black people make blanket statement about how Africans don’t like there American brethren, but I have to admit no matter how small, there is some validity to that sentiment. Taking a less harsh stance I chose to point out the Africa was way to large for us to claim the whole continent, so I felt it fruitless and foolish to do so. So another asked “Your American you can’t you just rock a American flag??” Which prompted me to state “We American on paper in reality we all know where not American” followed by the ignorant “they view them “foreigners” more American than us” which I would direct anybody to tell a Arab person that but I digress.

“Quotes” of the Conversation

“You know we need our own flag”…….”We don’t even have our own country, how can we have our own flag” “Every body else has they own flag, we should make one up” “I dunno…what the black people flag?” “Hell yea!!!” “Hmm Yo they would fight that shit real hard” “Who why?” “White people, conservatives, black people who think they American……they would look at it as divisive” “Mannnnnn Fuck them!!!” “Hmmmm I think the only people who don’t have any land but have there own flag are the Palestinians, so maybe it has been done before” “Think about the pride it would give us, think about what it would do for the kids” Man black people would fight it” “Huhh?” “Yo hold up, since we talking about flags, what do yall think about Young Jeezy with that Snow Man shit?” “Man he embarrassing us in front of the world, I respect him getting paid off of it, his grind or what ever, but he should be embarrassed and ashamed for himself” “Yea but we all still listen to his music, and White people looking at us like “The Snowman” is our flag” “Yeahh” “But yo we could do studies, no our history when we got on tv and in the media about the flag so we knew what we were talking about “ We can’t do it alone” “Why?” “ Cuz we would be speaking for a whole people” “hmm” “Plus Black people would fight it cuz we wouldn’t be able to agree on how it should be constructed” Why would they do that?” “Cuz there are 3 black people in this car and we cant agree, now just imagine 33 million of us” “They would think about the movement” “Dog…White people have a better conception or at least more definitive one of what black people are then we do.” “How so?” “To them if you got a lil black in you your black, no matter what u mixed with, us, some of us won’t even claim Alicia Keys and Hallie Berry, cuz they look at them as mixed”. “True…” So who what, who are we then?” “I guess we just niggaz”……….. Dame Dame Dame !!!!!!!! The fucken deer!!!!!!............. End of conversation……..

This Week

The near death experience I incurred did not jar the contents of the flag conversation from my mental. The debate had branched off and spawned many various levels of thought. Who am I, Am I What I Think I am or What others say I am? During the week I had some conversations with some very good friends of Spanish decent who I am lucky to have in my life. Somehow the conversation turned to how I didn’t view them as Spanish, but rather by there nationality (Cuban, Rican) .The conversations we held brought out various known ideas labeled as beliefs, such as theoretically I’m just as English as they are Spanish, various political, social and economic rationale lead to the dissemination of and slight acceptance of them in to Spanish culture, while American Blacks never look at them selves as English ,and really with the exception of white people, the vast majority of people who inhabit the Western hemisphere, are relatively new persons, in the sense that they have only been in existence for 400 yrs (give or take) at maximum.

Just as Columbians, Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, Dominicans and many others are the wonderful human results of a amalgamation of various racial backgrounds, so are American Blacks. Go head and see if the average black person ever acknowledges his European Blood line, and if you’re a white person and true to point out that fact…..look intently at the glare you receive.

I love Africa, I love my African roots, but I am not African. I’m not speaking in a geographic origin sense, but a genetic and mental one. Even if I and innumerable persons could piece together the millions of broken branches to our family tree, it would be for not help, cause the countries that layer lands previous have no real relevance to our history.

So what am I left with? I’m not American, because I’m not accepted nor do I choose to accept that title. I’m Not African, because the connection I feel to it often less than the one disconnect I have with it. What do I call myself? What do others call me? A Nigga.

My cousin is presently comprising a paper for class about the history and impact of the word Nigga.. We had various consultations about the meanings and effects of the term throughout heated and enjoyable conversations. Combined with previous thoughts, I came to the conclusion that we are the only group of people who always state who/ what we are before any statement or sentiment is conveyed ..That nigga did this. That nigga was. That nigga etc etc…. It’s almost like before we are even persons, individuals, human beings…we are niggas. And for those who think I’m just trying to put the word nigga in a negative light, as if I’m expecting Asians to say “That Chink” or Spanish people to say “That Spic”, think about this, those same Spanish and Asian people, don’t utter, “That Asian did this” or That Spanish guy/girl was”. The reality of us being niggaz is omnipresent and supersedes even being human, at least in hidden practice. When coupled with the fact that when most non black people speak the word nigga, its spawned within from distain and hate, and most of the world views us like so, our accepted definition of ourselves becomes more depressing. Am I what I Think I Am….or Am I what others Say I am………..If I say I am Something…..and others View me as I view my Myself…..can or should I even be disturbed?

A lot of personal questions, to a problem shared by millions. What am I? Up until last week I felt I was a Black person….and a Nigga.. Now I feel that I much more than that definition. No matter the positive or negative connotation. But What?

That Flag sure would help now………………….

AIM- ILLAIM365

Yahoo- illiaimofdaconection

Msn- daconection@hotmail.com

Am I What I Think I am or Am I what You say I am???

A very good friend of mine recently reminded me of the old and very (believable) adage “there is a fine line between genius and insanity”. Now I know I’m about round trip to the sun and back from brilliance, and most people conveniently cross over to insanity after they very rationally conclude the life of their spouse and other love ones in a harrowing yet calculated manner, there is a strong element of truth contained within that maxim. I utilize such a preface to assure you when I say… “excuse my schizophrenic display of thoughts ” that I’m safely residing comfortably in saneville, even though some try to take me go to the hood of insanity and while Ill never be “good enough” to be allowed through genius community gates, although I like marvel at its buildings from afar . Then again, most sane people state there crazy, and most crazy people fervently; state their sane. Oh the subjective crux. Alight let me stop messing with yea head lol There is a point to all this tho…………..

Beginning

During a previous blog I comprised in August (“Race based education”) I briefly mentioned the latent but internally strong jealousy I hold via inhabitants of the Caribbean who are able to bask in there nationality and heritage due to it’s unambiguous nature. A few of reality’s truths where mentioned, then I went on to speak about something exceedingly important: Baseball?

Change of scenery

Last week when on a out of town trip in a popular metropolis my cohorts and I happened to encounter a store forthrightly named “Boricua Emporium”. Being that one within our party of four was/is proudly a progeny of Puerto Rican heritage, who sadly, rarely ever encounters persons of his ethnic background, nor the extended, almost necessary benefits those encounters create, where we reside. So we all traveled the up the hallway which should have had “stairway to heaven” emanating thru the walls. When we entered the diminutive but welcoming confines, Puerto Rican articles of clothing and trinkets where pervasive everywhere. After feeling good for our friend and trying to point out stuff we thought was “hot” (fuck you Paris for fucking up our word!!!) my friend and I started to look around for something that we could purchase. Ironically we where spurred on by the Dominican shirt we witnessed, and then become aware of all other nationality based clothing in the store. Friend: “Damn they even got a Trinidadian shirt up in here” Me: Shit I can front like a Jamaican…I could get dreads quick then a motherfucker” Friend: “Man it’s fucked up that we aint got no flag, aint no shit we can even buy in here..” The happiness once held for our friend was let go as we embraced harsh reality and sadness.

The Trip Home

Since I was the lazy bastard who did not put one second in on the driving while reaching our destination, I rightfully began the first leg home. Losing the battle against the sweet whims of sleep, I decided to exit of the turnpike and purchase a much needed Mountain Dew, before I drove all of the cars inhabitants to a peaceful death. Little did I know that the gas station was inconveniently placed 3 miles away from the exit, which inevitably led to my friends to wake up and question where we where. Me being tired, on edge, in a Donald Rumsfield/ Drew Rosenhaus mood to answer questions, my responses where short and terse to what I felt where sarcastic questions of “where are we at?” and silence that spoke with its presence alone. After the thickness in the air subdued slightly people in the car started going through the gear they had purchased and reminisced about the trip. While recollecting, the trip to the Puerto Rican store came back up. Friend: “Man we where happy for you, but it was fucked up we couldn’t buy any thing. To which someone replied “Why didn’t you buy something with a African Flag?” which garnered the strong response “Nigga I aint African, they don’t even like us anyway!!!!” Now personally I hate when black people make blanket statement about how Africans don’t like there American brethren, but I have to admit no matter how small, there is some validity to that sentiment. Taking a less harsh stance I chose to point out the Africa was way to large for us to claim the whole continent, so I felt it fruitless and foolish to do so. So another asked “Your American you can’t you just rock a American flag??” Which prompted me to state “We American on paper in reality we all know where not American” followed by the ignorant “they view them “foreigners” more American than us” which I would direct anybody to tell a Arab person that but I digress.

“Quotes” of the Conversation

“You know we need our own flag”…….”We don’t even have our own country, how can we have our own flag” “Every body else has they own flag, we should make one up” “I dunno…what the black people flag?” “Hell yea!!!” “Hmm Yo they would fight that shit real hard” “Who why?” “White people, conservatives, black people who think they American……they would look at it as divisive” “Mannnnnn Fuck them!!!” “Hmmmm I think the only people who don’t have any land but have there own flag are the Palestinians, so maybe it has been done before” “Think about the pride it would give us, think about what it would do for the kids” Man black people would fight it” “Huhh?” “Yo hold up, since we talking about flags, what do yall think about Young Jeezy with that Snow Man shit?” “Man he embarrassing us in front of the world, I respect him getting paid off of it, his grind or what ever, but he should be embarrassed and ashamed for himself” “Yea but we all still listen to his music, and White people looking at us like “The Snowman” is our flag” “Yeahh” “But yo we could do studies, no our history when we got on tv and in the media about the flag so we knew what we were talking about “ We can’t do it alone” “Why?” “ Cuz we would be speaking for a whole people” “hmm” “Plus Black people would fight it cuz we wouldn’t be able to agree on how it should be constructed” Why would they do that?” “Cuz there are 3 black people in this car and we cant agree, now just imagine 33 million of us” “They would think about the movement” “Dog…White people have a better conception or at least more definitive one of what black people are then we do.” “How so?” “To them if you got a lil black in you your black, no matter what u mixed with, us, some of us won’t even claim Alicia Keys and Hallie Berry, cuz they look at them as mixed”. “True…” So who what, who are we then?” “I guess we just niggaz”……….. Dame Dame Dame !!!!!!!! The fucken deer!!!!!!............. End of conversation……..

This Week

The near death experience I incurred did not jar the contents of the flag conversation from my mental. The debate had branched off and spawned many various levels of thought. Who am I, Am I What I Think I am or What others say I am? During the week I had some conversations with some very good friends of Spanish decent who I am lucky to have in my life. Somehow the conversation turned to how I didn’t view them as Spanish, but rather by there nationality (Cuban, Rican) .The conversations we held brought out various known ideas labeled as beliefs, such as theoretically I’m just as English as they are Spanish, various political, social and economic rationale lead to the dissemination of and slight acceptance of them in to Spanish culture, while American Blacks never look at them selves as English ,and really with the exception of white people, the vast majority of people who inhabit the Western hemisphere, are relatively new persons, in the sense that they have only been in existence for 400 yrs (give or take) at maximum.

Just as Columbians, Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, Dominicans and many others are the wonderful human results of a amalgamation of various racial backgrounds, so are American Blacks. Go head and see if the average black person ever acknowledges his European Blood line, and if you’re a white person and true to point out that fact…..look intently at the glare you receive.

I love Africa, I love my African roots, but I am not African. I’m not speaking in a geographic origin sense, but a genetic and mental one. Even if I and innumerable persons could piece together the millions of broken branches to our family tree, it would be for not help, cause the countries that layer lands previous have no real relevance to our history.

So what am I left with? I’m not American, because I’m not accepted nor do I choose to accept that title. I’m Not African, because the connection I feel to it often less than the one disconnect I have with it. What do I call myself? What do others call me? A Nigga.

My cousin is presently comprising a paper for class about the history and impact of the word Nigga.. We had various consultations about the meanings and effects of the term throughout heated and enjoyable conversations. Combined with previous thoughts, I came to the conclusion that we are the only group of people who always state who/ what we are before any statement or sentiment is conveyed ..That nigga did this. That nigga was. That nigga etc etc…. It’s almost like before we are even persons, individuals, human beings…we are niggas. And for those who think I’m just trying to put the word nigga in a negative light, as if I’m expecting Asians to say “That Chink” or Spanish people to say “That Spic”, think about this, those same Spanish and Asian people, don’t utter, “That Asian did this” or That Spanish guy/girl was”. The reality of us being niggaz is omnipresent and supersedes even being human, at least in hidden practice. When coupled with the fact that when most non black people speak the word nigga, its spawned within from distain and hate, and most of the world views us like so, our accepted definition of ourselves becomes more depressing. Am I what I Think I Am….or Am I what others Say I am………..If I say I am Something…..and others View me as I view my Myself…..can or should I even be disturbed?

A lot of personal questions, to a problem shared by millions. What am I? Up until last week I felt I was a Black person….and a Nigga.. Now I feel that I much more than that definition. No matter the positive or negative connotation. But What?

That Flag sure would help now………………….

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Comfortable Phrases….

When times where simpler (or maybe I just was) I often had a penchant of reciting chemically induced freestyles. During the utterance of spontaneously generated prose, I sometimes became over come with a loss of words, causing me to fall back on my trusted phrase (What Da Fuck!!??!!). Why do I once again conjure up the soul of the 90’s? When trying to summarize the collective view of this weeks event, the trusty three word phrase was once again called into duty. My official statement on the so called apathy of Americans is “They don’t give a fuck like Nuns or Prostitutes”. Why? well because as I write this its 70 degrees in Michigan on November 3^rd meaning some super villain has gotten a hold of a weather machine or global warming as a old school rapper would say is “in full effect” and because…………………..

Can You Find The Hidden Prison?

In it’s everlasting quest to bring joy to the masses it seems that our government has engaged in helping hundreds of families reenact there favorite chosen cinematic story of love and determination, by creating the opportunity for individuals to “scour the earth” for there missing love ones. The prior actions of individuals and entities tend to construct the perceptions placed upon them, so surely I would only expect the most ostentatious of stratagems from the good folks that bought us such classics as MKULTRA ….Coientelpro and almost let Reinhard Gehlen

lead us to nuclear annihilation. Yes it seems that the good folks at the CIA have been placing human beings in covert prisons that not even the most expensive of GPS machinery can locate. While it can be logically acute to state a large numerical swath of our citizenry condones or is largely indifferent to, by most moral and legal standards, reprehensible detention of hundreds of souls in the name of the war on terror unless the possible torture of a prisoner leads to a 20 cent raise in gas prices, the CIA is taking no chances. It seems that the benevolent government agency has been giving free room and board to individuals lucky enough to be deemed terrorist or enemy combatants in hidden prisons scoured throughout eight countries like palatial Thailand to those located in the historical Eastern Europe region. .What makes these prisons horrifically unique is there oversight or lack thereof. Not even those who comprise the most powerful governing body in the history of man (yes or congress man/women is important) have any knowledge of the location let alone practices at the so called “black sites”. Yes, the location and polices of said prisons are only known to the most qualified of individuals ie: the President and top agency officials. In the spirit of preemptive action, this consortium is already trying to relive the CIA responsibility of not pursing “cruel and degrading treatment of any prisoner in U.S. custody” in proposed legislation. Hey what worker wants to give up rights and privileges? Hmm let me pose a question to you….how would your actions be altered if you had no oversight to or repercussions for your actions? I thought so. The pain of not knowing is infinitely more painful than the cold solace of closer. Even if you believe that it is correct to arrest and detain persons for indefinite periods of time with out formally charging them, our granting the right to legal council and due process, can you at least find that the family members of those held should know where they are being seized? If a man is being tortured but nobody can locate the prision he’s at to be able to hear him scream….is he really being tortured? I think I’m gonna go pimp smack my boss tomorrow and tell the pigs it was in the best interest of national security.

Boy Them Negros Surrre is Fasssst.

A few years ago I succumbed to the conclusion that if you took a average individual and subjected them to all forms of American media for 3 years or more, then injected them with sodium pentothal and asked them there general perception on 3 races say……Asian Black and White…they would state: Asians are smarter than Pentium chips, cant drive, never break the law and have little dicks, Blacks have big dicks, are ungodly superior in athletic feats, sire children like fish and commit almost all of the crime, while White people seem to embody the perfect amalgamation of all prior mentioned qualities contributing to them being human equivalent of a happy medium. Now the hypotheses, just predicted likely stereotypes that would be formulated. Some say that stereotypes are hurtful completely untrue and should be eradicated from ones conscious. I agree. Then I don’t. Sad to say stereotypes are like good jokes, they are always founded, no matter how miniscule or subjectively altered it may be, on a element of truth. This brings us the 67 year old Air Force football coach Fisher Deberry who after recivig a routine service accadamy ass kicking on the gridiron spoke candidly on the reason why. "They had a lot more Afro-American players than we did and they ran a lot faster than we did", followed by "It just seems to me to be that way," "Afro-American kids can run very well. That doesn't mean that Caucasian kids and other descents can't run, but it's very obvious to me that they run extremely well.". The referencing of a race of people by a hair style 30 yrs plus removed from it’s apex (come to think of it even “Mullet Americans” seems kind of harsh) not with standing, I could just refute his beliefs with personal experience, such as my participating in athletic event with supremely talented white people, or my woefully anemic hooping skills, but I would ultimately be undone by my admittedly above average speed ,quickness, and jumping ability and the reality that personal experience is the worst base to base a foundation on. So I shall turn to the truth, in America black athletes on average, not in a genetically inherent, applying to every black person since the dawn of time way, are better. There I said it, and I believe it, because I know it. Now of course the political correctness scourge poured in and chastised and shamed Mr Deberry into a expedient apology, while he hoped to retain his position that many where calling for. While I found his comments extremely ignorant, they did not anger me at all. The national commentary generally ran the gamut of “he coulda just said it in a better way” or “aren’t we at a point in this country where we can just laugh at stuff like this”? Wow. The whole say it better thing kina rankles me for the simple fact it’s just code for “be fake” about it. Say what you mean, mean what u say. Dan Patrick and others who posed that we should just laugh at the “old, out of touch white coach” receive thanks from me for the sole reason of giving rationale for me to utilize the word “patronize” because that’s what they where doing to me by posing that question. As previously stated I don’t believe the coaches premise was wrong, which would by default mean I concur with his truth. The problem with some truth’s tho is that they tend to branch out to other false hoods, and people tend not to understand the reason behind the accepted truth. Tho I and 99% of black people can’t tell you exactly where in the content our ancestors stem from, we as African Americans (damn I hate that term) are decedents of Africa. Geographically speaking you could fit three centennial U.S’s inside of Africa, let alone the expansive population, which would seem to be a bountiful harvest for all institutions specializing in athletics to pick from. Alas in an age where scouts spare no expense in search of talent whithin there perspective sports, I seem to not see Africans dominating nothing except your yearly “Boston Marathon” Two simple sayings, there is a reason for everything, and, people avoid the truth. I don’t care what group of human beings you take in this world, if you breed them for and subject them to 400 yrs or continuous hard labor, while prohibiting diversification of lifestyle under penalty of death, I guarantee they will become the best athletes where they reside. Such ideas and discourse are purposely suppressed, which leads to people believing that “Black People where always better athletes” which in turn cause belief in other stereotypes….the cycle continues……

Random Thoughts

“Brownie your doing a heck of a job” That was the ubiquitous quote uttered by our Commander and chief in the days after Hurricane Katrina, lauding the former Fema director Michael Brown’s efforts. Let’s look at some of those efforts shall we. When told the situation was past critical, by a Fema official stating food and water where rapidly depleting possibly leading to riot causing conditions "... you know the situation is past critical," .. "Estimates are many will die within hours." Brown replied via e-mail “"Thanks for the update. Anything specific I need to do or tweak?” That’s it no more no less.. Have you ever wanted to choke someone who seemed to be oblivious or just didn’t plain care about the importance of a certain situation? Okay then, join me in the desire or grasping the neck of Mr. Brown who during what arguably was and still ongoing, Americas most horrifying natural disaster, spoke “Can I quit now? Can I come home?" and "I'm trapped now, please rescue me.," which has to be in my view one of the most egregious comments self serving comments in history, given the people who he was in charge of saving where latterly trapped and dying while he postponed action for such pertinent actions as going to a Baton Rouge restaurant for din din. I’m still haven’t reached the point where I can remotely laugh let alone smirk at the Hurricanes aftermath, but I find it sadly ironic that when I noticed that the president and other government officials had there sleeves rolled up, I thought it was somewhat contrived, and the e-mails to and from Brown confirm it as so, for he was berated for not rolling up his. While you are thinking “boy that guy is a piece of shit” know this, even tho he resigned his post, the man is still recives his six figure salary. Hmmmm So a bartender can serve a women a drink that she wanted which cause her death, and get charged with man slaughter, but a man show cogent ignorance and callous to those he swore to protect gets a paid vacation? Smh

So the Democrats held a closed session in the chambers of Congress and vowed to impede normal operation until a concise review of the possible misleading of the public during the march to the war on Iraq. A couple of things. 1.It’s nice to see that the Democrats are showing some heart and resolve for actual important issues. 2 It untimely doesn’t matter: If the Democrats let there nuts hang during the debates leading up to the invasion of Iraq instead of having the acid in there stomach melt them, maybe we wouldn’t need said investigation, many lives would still exist, and we would be slightly less hated. Bottom line mostly all sane people knew the grounds for our military action was based upon pure bullshit, but the democrats in office, to shook to take a stand for what was right and good, followed along with any and all incursions performed by the Hawkish Bush administration during that time. All the republicans can and will say is…You democrats supported action based on the same info, which they did.

Isaiah Thomas makes Al Campanis seem right.

I can’t think of a Bigger piece of human scum than Bill Romanowski

I’ll say it, and challenge anyone to call me disrespectful and unappreciative, Rosa Parks death did not need to receive all that coverage, at all. If it exists, I might just go to hell, cause I was heated that they cut away from Monday Night Football in the Detroit area to discuss it

The term “Urban” fucks with me

Fin

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