If one knows me they knows I love to debate. Some classify it as standard arguing, but that's far to derogatory a term for the art of conversation. Auguring is based on the intrinsic goal of reigning victorious in verbal warfare, often sparing nothing, leaving raised terrain from which nothing is gained. Alternatively discussions, involving opposing view points are often the most fruitful of endeavors. Listening is an invaluable element to learning, while it might seem like you're vehemently denouncing another's views, your really pilfering knowledge and previously unknown insight which will be used to later formulate an enhanced perception of the world that gravitates more closely to reality then where you previously where aligned.
The different approaches enacted while engaging in conversation are presently manifesting themselves as thoughts, as I currently reminisce on the first politically themed conversation I engaged in with a good friend upon arriving in the D.C area in 2006. I can't remember what particular case caused our disagreement, but some how the topic steered itself into equality or lack thereof within Americas legal system. The crux of the conversation dealt with his belief that if we both committed the same crime (Him being White me Black) and had the same type of background and criminal history that we would most likely be afforded the same type of a sentence. Even tho empirical fact combined with life's observations transformed my stance into and immovable object, I stood in respectful awe at his position and chose to frame it as welcome idealism and personal fairness displayed on his part, instead of understandable ignorance. I stated that there is no realistically conceivable way that a non White person would have 12 persons who thought like him on their jury, let alone 10, he replied that ultimately If you didn't the crime do it you have nothing to worry about,to which I replied that's just one side of the equation,because if I did commit the crime and received a "sentence" even more criminal then the crime I under took..who ultimately is more guilty?
I'm prolly reflecting on that time because it makes in easier to deal with present events.
The ability to learn that many are unaware, not insidious, fair, not eternally corrupt, is imperative to one one hoping to maintain his own balance in life, for events will force you to recall and utilize that knowledge.
Events such as the Sean Bell Case.
Disclosing nothing but honesty with you, I have to admit when the verdict was first announced on Friday I was devoid of an immediate powerful emotional response. I took the the ruling of the judge as a well known forgone conclusion, with the trial comprising of nothing more than a placating charade, espousing false ideals. I took umbrage that a quick skimming of the news provided no pundits discussing, let alone decrying, a travesty of justice involving the murdering of a citizen by the state, while being bombarded with news of a shark attack and even more Rev Wright lambasting, but remained relatively calm.
The calm was short lived......
When I allowed myself to think about the verdict anger, sadness, and a crippling sense of helplessness involving any path that would not invoke massive violence held sway over me.
I recognized I tried to consciously detach myself from the harsh reality of the Bell proceedings, an act that has become more prevalent in my nature lately which I'm not sure how I feel about.
Becoming seduced by the bliss of ignorance.
I'm currently residing in conscious state of shock, a self prescribed purgatory necessary to remain functional
I know how I felt last year when adolescent lives where willfully being destroyed by our system for the world to see, over a high school brawl.
I know how I felt last year watching Vick becoming the most hated man in America since Osama..for a relatively trivial crime in comparison.
I know how I felt in the late August early September of 05.
I can't put my self in that position again.
I've never been one for detachment, but the constant practice of empathy, and awareness eventually will take its toll.
So friends ask me for my opinion, amd I choose not to disclose it Some send me articles about the case and I respectfully tell em I can't read them at this time.For the sake of my sanity .
I don't want to go there at the momentI don't want to think about how homicide will always remain justifiable when committed by the hands of law enforcement against Blacks, man or women.
I choose not to focuos on how the majority of the country could give a fuck less about the verdict, or will with great zeal go through Olympic level contorians to convey the right judgement was pronounced.
No, won't go in depth into the incestuous relationship between Judges,DA's, and those on the front lines known as police officers.
I will instead collect myself, I will feel for Bell's widow child, family and all others who cared for him.
I will construct a better understanding for those who practice self delusion, instead of the natural default animus I usually display.
I will become more even more aware
And eventually
I will get back to normal.....
(Dame)
